Two months ago I wrote something on the blog and thats basicly becuse nothing have changed, untill today!
I’m so furious and I was shaking like crazy of all anger inside of me, never been so upset before (i think).
So whatsup?
Well as you readers know from previous posts I went to this rehab clinic to get more help and get everything
on paper why my back isn’t getting better, and what can we do to make it better. And the result was as I
have said before; can’t bend my back without getting pain that builds up and stay during the time i’m awake.
Can’t lift heavy things or even do daily stuff at home without getting alot of pain.
My girlfriend hafto help me sometimes with getting socks on and so on, so I dont hafto
outlast any pain or whatever. Hope you guys get my point and where I’m getting.
I CAN’T GO BACK TO WORK AT THIS CURRENT STATE!
So I have contact with my insurance fund that now and sometime back have been paying out a small
amount of money to be becuse I can’t work. And now when she got the papers and read it out loud to me,
she says there is going to change with the money you will be getting. She then tells me, that i wont be getting
anymore money from them becuse I can work. At that stage i though she was joking with me and i felt the
anger inside of me just build up from 0 to 100 in no time at all. I told her that if i was reading all those markers
with the pain i have and what i cant do, im not ready to go back to work.
And she tells me there is jobs where you can sit still and dont move around so there is options for you to
work and not stay at home. She dont really understand what pressure I’m under and how bad i feel every
single day. Then she ends the call with saying: “I hope i didn’t ruin your weekend and i hope it will be
a good one”. I can’t express my feelings more then i felt for a sec, that if I had one moment to do whatever
I wanted, for just some secounds. I would have hit her so hard becuse she made me so angry. But i would
never do such a thing, but i never get angry but she went over the line totally..
So okay i took a warm bath to try stop my body from shaking from all the anger (didn’t work well).
And I left a message to the new doctor i have been asign to becuse my doctor i had before have quit.
So this new doctor calls me back just some minutes ago and wants to know whats going on with not
getting any money from now on and such (her response was like “that cant be true right? 
).
I told her about the call and I also told her that I’m intressted in taking antidepressant drugs to make
it easier for me. I was already laying down in the muddy ground, and now they step on me once again.
My new doctor tells me “Your in a shock, so we wont be fixing any antidepressant drugs at all for some
time, we hafto get back on that maby another time”. And i said well i just want to get that going becuse
i cant make it any longer, I was already down and this is just groundbreaking news to ruin everything.
She couldn’t care less and said “I will not have any time to my patients until next year so you know, but
i can fix so you can talk to this person that have contacts with people who can get you into another rehab
or more indepth investigation or so, and you can meet that person from the insurance fund you talked to”.
I said ofc i want that, and she said and then you can meet her face to face and talk to her.
And this meeting wont be nice and quite, i belive i cant outlast my anger, so i will be shouting most likely.
She needs to understand my situation becuse shes totally up in the blue and doesnt understand at all.
Havn’t I suffered enough? I had a small moment before my back was all messed up with happy days and
no problems at all. Worked and had alot of money and had everything under control. But now?
Everything is all messed up, cant work, relay everything on my girlfriend, economy and my feelings
for not being normal, i feel like a old man with backproblems and people look at me like:
”Oh why isnt he helping his girlfriend with grabing those bags of grocery”.
So many factors that brings me down and there is no light in the end of this tunnel.
To try think “Outlast the day and it might get better soon” isn’t working at all.
My advice from my friend over at Australia helped alot, but its not working anymore 
For those people who love to hear and see me again (my viewers at twitch) will get some news now!
This picture shows a entery to the kitchen, but we didnt need two ways to get there, so we covered
it up now (well my girlfriend ofc, i cant do anything..). And the living room is now a work in progress.
That means, when its done in a few weeks i will get back to streaming alittle bit. So there is some good
news for you guys and i have missed streaming as i have said before, i really do. But it wont be as much
as it was before when i was doing it daily, but more when i feel like it and such. Feels nice to see some
friendly faces in that chatbox and just chat and hangout.