FixarJocke – Version 13.09.24

Day 3 on rehab is in a few hours and I’m about to get ready to go out in the cold now.
Today I will meet a occupational therapist and probbly talk about stuff I can’t do while I have this pain.
And there was this form I needed to fill in before I go there, so I have done that and some of the questions
was about handling stress. And I can’t handle stress at all so I guess she will go in depth on that subject.
Well I hafto see about that later on today.

I still looking forward for this and hope they find a solution
for me, or what ever they think is the best. I’m only abit down
and sad becuse I dont feel I deserve this. I kinda had it ruff
enough from before in my life. Don’t really need this in my life
and the biggest fear is if they say: “There is nothing wrong
with you”. I do know I wrote that before. But i try to express
myself and what my feelings inside is, and it’s all about that atm.
I’m focusing on good things and these meetings and stuff.

So that helps me alot to brighten up my day abit and it works
for now. Yesterday I talked to this psychologist and he
understand and have heard from so many people they dont
want to hear the words: “fake it untill you make it” or
“there is nothing wrong with you”. So I’m not alone to
feel feared about that and it’s totally normal.

Nice song huh? I like this artist alot and I think this song is great!

Just notice on friday will be my 4th day at rehab and I will then meet a Doctor!
I'M SO EXCITED, I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT!

FixarJocke – Version 13.09.22

Times are getting harder by everyday that passes through. I do try my very best to stay strong
and take the day as it come. But more and more lately I have been thinking about the future about
my life in general with this back. I guess this rehab I went to, gave me a another view of what it might
be causing the pain to continue and why it’s not healed yet after this long time. I have so far only meet
this physiotherapist from the rehab and she noticed something kinda earily with the tests.

”Woah! Your really hypermobility when it comes to your fingers, leaning to the left, right, back
and probably forward. I do need to talk to a doctor about this, so we can do a closer look if thats
the case. Becuse that might be the thing why your back isn’t healing up as it should be. It should
have been good long time ago.. I will need to tell them about this”.

She said it might be an indication of EDS and thats “Ehlers–Danlos syndrome”.
If you want to search it up, go ahead there is ton of information that I already have been harvesting with fatcs.
You guys can search it up if you want. Though there is so many diffrent version / levels of it and as she said I
was hypermobility and thats not good at all. It’s negative in the long term becuse you move your body in
directions too far. And now when my back in not in a good shape, I belive it needs to “rest” from the
”wrong” movements I do. But anyway, if it really is EDS.. Then it wont be any better anyway.

When I wrote about the meeting on my Facebook, relatives agreed on the facts that everyone on my
moms side, is hypermobility in their bodys. But they are all fine, so its very common in our family it seems.
I think some might think I’m sad about the facts it might be EDS and if it is, there is no real cure.
So I shouldn’t really go on the internet and read about the facts and try tell myself it MOST be it.
And just wait untill their tests are all good and see what they say about it.

The thing is that, I really hope this is the problem. Becuse then they finaly found it and people can understand
my situation more clearly. Becuse sometimes I have this feeling people might think I’m just lazy, and that will
prove them even more wrong. I try my very best and I try stand strong against all those brick walls im rushing
into kinda often. So today and yesterday I felt abit down and eariler I express myself infront of a player on
Damnation (thats where I play MineCraft at). He said, he was sorry to hear that and hopes it will turn out
good in the end. But he did understand what i ment with this indication of EDS.

If this isn’t EDS, what is it then? Whats the problem? Why isn’t my back healing as it should be doing?
Will they say “There is nothing wrong with you!” when there is a big problem with my back. I’m just a
big questionmark right now and hope these days just pass quickly. Becuse I do want to know what it is,
and all people around me. And also those at my work, they want me to get better before I come back.
So they can setup a new working place for me (that will suit my body good enough if I can handle it).

This made me really sleepy, so I guess it’s time to sleep now.

FixarJocke – Version 13.09.18

Hey everyone, I’m about nervous about the rehab thing on Friday…
If I havn’t told you guys about it, it’s just becuse I will get paper on what I can do and not.
So I will go to this rehab traning thing for 5 days (within total of 2 weeks starting this week).
I need to mark out on a paper I already have where it hurts and what kind of pain it is.
And I dont even know what to mark out becuse I’m not doing anything wrong now when
I’m only at home. I think of every single movement I do, becuse I can skip having any pain
if I dont twist or bend my back. Well I shouldn’t worrying, it will turn out good.
I would never got this next step with the rehab, if they didn’t belive me.
So it’s nice to have them on my side atleast.

Lately I have been playing SWTOR like ever before and I joined a hardcore guild for raiding.
So me and 2 of my friends did a Hardmode raid, and it was really really REALLY hard!
We didn’t really read much of what to do, but we had this pro Loki who told us what to do
over TeamSpeak, sooo much to remember but we did it on the first try (kinda).
Even if I didn’t get any new items we still made it and I got a achivement

So at the moment I’m standing in line to make some missions and do the weekly quests.
But I’m also abit tired, so I belive it’s soon time for me to go to bed and sleep some!
Life is overall nice and okay, even if I feel like I’m a questionmark when it comes to
be able to work and when and all that as you guys already know.

Self Reminder Note:
Gotta call my mom and talk to her
Me & Caroline gave her a present on her B-day but we forgot the present *fail on us*
But we did take her out on the movie Elysium at the cinema (great movie).
Also see if I have told her about the rehab thing on Friday.

FixarJocke – Version 13.09.13

Some music either makes you happy or sad. And I remmber when everysingle day was basicly in tears
when no one was around. Salty tears was my thing and I wasn’t strong enough to reach up and be happy.
But if I look where I stand today (lol I’m sitting really), I really came far and keep on going.

Almost nothing bring me down nowdays. I kinda need to skip the subject about my back, becuse it wont be
better anyway. As I said before, I have already accepted this fate and it’s alright really. The sad thing is only
that it fells like some people dont get it, it wont get better at all. There is nothing they can do.
I damaged it and I can only train so it get's abit stronger to a certain level.

 

This video with only lyrics had so many likes, but this music video got the opposite. Just listen to the lyrics, it’s a sad story but true to so many people out there.

I would say Miley Cyrus changed after she finnished with Disney.
Shes a mess if you compare to what she do nowdays in her music.
I wish her the best anyway but this is one of the new tracks I really like.

 

This day have been pretty much okay I slept like the whole day and we took Monkey Queen’s moms car to
my gym and Caroline needed to hand in a report on things she have done on her job. So while I was training
she was there and I didn’t do much becuse I dont feel good enough to move around like crazy with my neck.
My neck is okay now but I rather not go wild now when it’s “back to normal”, it’s still abit stiff still.

Well after that we went out to MAX (hamburger restaurant) and ate some yummy food. My rate on the food
today at that place is 9 of 10. I do give them ten points alot but I dont know why I didn’t enjoy the food as
much as I use to do. We have decrease the times we eat outside lately and during a week of time now,
we have gotten back to ourself with getting some nice food outside again. Feels awesome!

 

GUESS WHAT I ATE
2 CHEESE BURGERS OR 1 LOW CARB-BURGER !

 

Lol and now when look at them, I just want to go there today and eat some of that again. But if I remmber
correct we are eating something here at home today. Maby we can move that to tomorrow? Haha, well well !

So here is another question guys! Whats your favorite dish?

Here is a list what the hamburger contains. You guys can translate the words that you dont understand.

 

// Fixar
Do as me! Stay strong!

FixarJocke – Version 13.09.11

Hey everyone!
I just want to keep you guys updated about my life, I know some of you check my blog to have a closer look what’s
happening in my life. I woke up two days ago with torticollis/stiff neck and I have no freaking idea why I got it but
damn what it hurts! So I took a small break from the computer these days and have just bein resting in my bed and
I called in “sick” for the workout I do twice a week (becuse there was no way I could have workout with that neck).
So tomorrow on Thursday I will give it a go and do my best even if I’m not 100% back to normal..
*Phsss, Whispering* – Is Fixar normal? I didnt know that Fixar was normal.. hmm..

This is my favorite song of all time and have bein for some years now. What do you think about it? Isn’t nice?

Each day is another story in my life and I try to not focus to much about the bigger problems in my current situation
with not be able to work. But everything will be fine in the end, I do my best and try work with my inner strength to
keep the mood up and try to hold my head up high with a smile. I have done a lot of progress with it comes to
handling my worries about stuff and im proud of myself in one way. I really need to focus on the good stuff and not
the negative parts that might show up, no need to waste energy on that!

So good parts! First of all here is a short story of how all started turning all good!
Almost daily, me and my grilfriend talk about how happy we are in life and how everything have been working out
for us. We both lived with our mothers and she moved halfway and so did I, so she found an appartment and she
knew i wanted to move out asap. So the question was brought up quickly if i wanted to move in with her.
My answer was of course: YES! YES! YES! The problem was, she had a work (and still have) but I didn’t…
So it took some months and after I got some special codes on employment agency register about having dyslexia,
unstable with all the darkness and sadness I have in my backpack with my father. So I got a couple of codes that
would help me out with finding a job (some workplaces rather take those than “normal ones” for some reason).
So basicly if your a mess, you will get help in Sweden and if your so called “normal” with no issues, you will have
a really hard time finding a job by yourself. IF, you dont have contacts of course!

It didn’t take long untill I got myself a work and one year or so, after I started working for Samhall I damaged my
back. During this time me and my girlfriend had saved up money enough to buy an appartment, becuse there was
so much issues with the appartment that we didn’t see from the start. Leaking in water from the skylight at two
diffrent windows in the ceiling. Our freezer was outside our door, so anyone could have taken our food or so
And the basin was not attached good enough, so it was leaking under that place also and alot more to it.
There was also black mold all over the windows and probbly behind the walls. We lived there for around 2½
year untill we had enough and got this appartment finaly!

So now when we have moved, we can now save alot of money each month becuse we dont need to save for
taking a bank loan anymore. Well now we need to save the extra money to pay the loan back, but that is not
going to be a problem as long as we get any sort of income. We feel that we are rich and all, but we arn’t haha.
Low income on both of us but we try keep all the bills down, and save the rest for stuff we really want or want to do.
People around us tell us, isn’t time to get a tiny little monster that screams and all?
Yeah a baby/scream machine/poo splasher, and we kinda feel that we dont want to have one.

This is what we are looking for! <Pomeranian - Click here>
Well there is diffrent shapes of colours and all but something like this.
But Caroline do want to have a dog, so that will be our little baby I guess.
We wanted to let my “fan-base” of viewers on the stream to choose between the
names that we all make up. But in the end we will be the one picking it of the
suggestions. We had a few in mind but I dont remmber them at all right now.
It’s around 1 year from now untill it’s going to happen. anyway.

 

And something we did last year was going to Thailand and this year we are going there again! And it does feel
weird to be able to go once again. I have never had any good amount of money before but I guess it’s my time to
shine and have fun and experience stuff in life. I could never forseen all of this but I enjoy every single second of it.
And my best friend from Malaysia asked if we could visit him soon, and we will try to visit him next year around
december if it goes as planned. So you guys kinda get the picture I can’t wait untill it’s time to fly 12-13 hours all
around the world to asia and same time all the way back after spending 2 weeks there.

I write things here now of things im happy about at the moment and I hope you guys feel that I’m not just writing
all this just to brag or something. If you do know me, you should only feel happy for me and let me have fun while
I can before something turns up and life takes another turn. When you put yourself out here on the Internet people
love to interact and try to make smaller subjects to big ones or just like to make the author of the post angry or so.
Been so many times I get negative comments or just mean things. But I dont really care about those kind of people,
and also! If they want to spend time reading all this, its their loss becuse they waste their time here

Maby I can give them a laugh atleast?

 

Well if you guys want to comment and give advice on names on a puppy go ahead!
People call me Fixar, my brother Vixar and maby the puppy can have something similar? ^^

FixarJocke – Version 13.09.08

So last post I post a picture on me being banned on the server and some couple of other
people on the server. The server got hacked and we wore around 10 people on the Mumble
server talking to eachother about the server being hacked and there was no need to be in panic.
Everything will be fine, he did destroy atleast 2 Quartz blocks in the marketplace as far as I know.
And also put a sign up (MAKroy was the one being hacked). Everything was back to normal and
unbanned people was coming back to the server. And no fuzz about it after we came on the server again.
There was some people joining in that was acting weird and they didnt know about damnation being hacked
(as i saw it). So i guess an alternative account was accepted to the server and one of those people might
have done it. I donno but i felt like that was going on. Havn’t heard if they trace the IP down and match
it with users, but I hope for damnation’s sake it wont happen again.

Yesterday i was going to my brother and celebrating my brother and he had no clue me and Caroline
aka Monkey Queen was coming. So I covered the door pinhole and they wore abit scared to open the
door haha. And my brother was really suppriced about me standing there. I handed over my pressent and
he opened it right away. When he saw that i have gotten him the Diablo III game, he got goosebumps like
crazy and showed us. “This is the best present I have gotten so far in a really long time” and when I heard
that I was super happy. I did good and i knew it would be a nice present.

We started drinking abit and my brother was installing the game on his laptop and later on we started
playing a drinking board game. And if you lose you need to drink up all of it, even if they are empty we
need to fill them before he starts. Here is two pictures from last night

Frida, Victor aka Vixar, Michael & FixarJocke aka The King

FixarJocke – Version 13.09.07

Well I got banned and here is a screenshot

FixarJocke – Version 13.09.02

Today its Vixar’s birthday and i called him just before i went to the gym.
Vixar is my brother Victor by the way, but he got the nickname on my stream haha.
I told him today everyone call my brother for Vixar and they would like to see him.
So i told him i showed some pictures of us and MysteriaSecret said “I like him already”.
Hes really a great guy and today he turned 24, thats exactly 16 months younger than me
for those who wants to know if its my little brother  ^^,

Yeah, so happy birthday brother! Love you!

FixarJocke – Version 13.09.01

Sometimes (super rare) I get really angry and right now is one of those times.
I was checking the new game Final Fantasy XIV on a stream, and this guy was sitting shirtless
while streaming. He had two webcams for his computer and forced his wife/girlfriend to write
postcards all over the world for those who donated more than 5 dollars to the streamer.

She did her best and when she did something wrong she got yelled at and mean words was
just coming out of his mouth. This didn’t happen just once.. She asked one question gently and
abit on a low voice if she might distrub him. And he just raged and said can you please shut the fuck up.
I saw she got all sad and still tried the best she could and she seemed to be scared and NO ONE was
saying anything about show some respect man! So I just had to say something becuse of the anger that
was just increasing. The words wrote in the chat was this “Man show some respect to your wife…”.
I saw that he saw that and just ignored it and when I told some nice people on Damnation.eu where I
play Minecraft on, they also saw the other time when he just flipped out abit. My other message was
like this: “man i had enough of this guy, lack of respect and i hope karma strikes you hard”.

He said out in the stream abit annoyed “Oh okay FixarJockey, your welcome back another time. Cya!”.
I belive he didn’t want his girlfriend to see it and I asked some people on damnation.eu, if thats like
normal in US for men to act like that with their wifes. And one said its just an idiot and another one
said that so many are lacking of respect as i said and they should be as nice as Î am.

That made me smile abit that I’m the nice guy, even if I already know that but its good that it shows.
I really hope his wife gets another guy that can show some more respect to her and treat her like a
princess. Ugly guy with no respect gets nice and humble girlfriend, what did she see in him?
Well i guess i never get to find out, not that i care about that. But i hate when people dont
show the respect the other person should have. She did nothing wrong!

Nice song huh?

Well enough about that..
Its just about less than 60 hours left untill the big meeting or so regarding my situation with handling
a suit able work and figure out what would be good. And if not, what should we go from now on?
What will be the next step for me? I hope it turns out good but i’m really nervous about it becuse
I have been waiting too long for more help to be able to fix this. I almost had enough with tears at
one time and felt that my life is kinda shorten off becuse of the pain i have when i twist or bend it.
I’m twentyfive and my back is acting like i was an old freaking man.. It really stinks.. Sometimes
I do feel sad about it but I try not to think about it, even if i already accepted it for what it is.